Yes, I said sex. Doctors, say it with me, “Sex is good. Sex is necessary.” It’s one of the most liberating and frustrating conversations I have with patients. I’m often shocked and horrified that they’ve been seeing the same physician for years, and never asked about their sexuality, or worse, in the face of loss of libido are told that our sex lives deteriorate with age. But once patients and I start down the path of healthy sexuality, I see significantly healthier (and happier) patients (and their spouses!).
So, what’s the challenge? Libido loss can be a function of stress, hormonal changes, trauma and medications. Addressing the root of the issue is only the first, and often simple, step. We’re simply not taught how to have good sex, or even what a normal sex life is like. So we’re all out there blundering with the lights off and wondering, is this it? That’s where I step in.
After the dawn of AIDS, we have been reinforced that sex can be dirty and even deadly. Menopausal women simply hide the fact that their sex lives have deteriorated because they don’t want to admit to aging or that they can’t control something so fundamental in their lives. My patients and I discuss what a “normal” sex life looks like, where to have sex, how to orgasm, and are supported with resources.
Let me share some of my favorite resources with you dear reader in hopes that you too can have a lively, healthy sex life:
- She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman by Ian Kerner: a sex therapist talks about how he overcame a personal battle with sexual dysfunction. This book is an excellent primer for men AND women with down to earth discussions of how female genitalia works.
- Owning Pink Blog: we love these authors and their lively take on sexuality.
- The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene: the biggest part of sexual excitement for women is between her ears. This book chronicles the world’s greatest seducers and lovers in a non-explicit manner.
- The Fine Art Of Erotic Talk: How To Entice, Excite, And Enchant Your Lover With Words by Bonnie Gabriel: what you do in bed is just as important as what you say in bed.
- Hormone evaluation: it’s very important to analyze cortisol, thyroid, estrogen, progesterone and testosterone levels in men and women to have a deeper understanding of a patient’s libido.
We’d love to hear some of your favorite books, therapists, or blogs on human sexuality.